Rigorous
Volume Four, Issue 3



Fear

Alfred Peterson


“That’s why I ask my mom to pray for me because I know that even I got to die, and he has a day for me” - Brad Jordan

I’m scared Nip/maybe the thought of winning is just that/ a thought/ I've tried to sit/ and make sense of your death/ I’ve stared at your picture and listened to your music trying to bring you back/ only chills come across/ what are the chances I have/ if a man like you/ who was loved and endured/ gets shot six times/ with one shot to the head/ and then kicked/ what chance do I have Nip/ I still haven’t figured out my worth/ or what I’ve to offer/he killed you in front of your own building/ what worth would someone see in me/I panicked/ when the news broke/that you died/ I hated the cowards/ who recorded you fighting for your life/ my head kept spinning/ my hands were shaking/ I was scared nip/ I asked my mom to pray/ I haven’t been perfect either/does this mean my good will never out weight the bad/why you Nip/ I’m scared/ I couldn’t shed too many tears/ over your death/ I’ve to save them/is that selfish/a black man tears are not limitless/I know you understand/I want to save them for a joyous moment/ like for the birth of my child one day/ or the day I say “I do”/to the woman I marry/but I'll be scared to smile/ I can’t tell/if God/wants us to have happiness/ does he only want to see us in pain/ if I show too much joy/ God might say that’s enough for him/and pull me away too/will he let me smile in my casket/why can’t we cry tears of joy/ our tears are only meant for pain and death/ is that why we hurt/and kill one another/ to let these tears out/ are we trying to see if we’re still human after all/ why don’t my tears heal me/ and what happens when these tears of pain finally run out?

R.I.P Ermias Joseph Asghedom



Alfred Peterson: "I'm a recent college graduate. My poems and essays are built around the things I've seen and done in my life."




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