Volume Three, Issue 1

The Faith Center

Sarah Estime

The three months given with a few days left as I listen to the pastor bray about seizing destiny. Owning the yearns. Wanting, hoping, and declaring the wish list. The job, the school, the marriage, the kids. Although the kids were the same as the marriage.

No fear, no doubt, no negativity. No one other.

And I looked over to her. “Hallelujah!” she shouted.

I frowned.

Unwiling, I was. I wouldn’t be at ease sacrificing my beliefs. Sacrificing every doubt. Sacrificing for delerium.

“You will be granted. You will prevail. You will be given a blessing.” A prophesy to take. A bygone to construct.

I followed treatment. I followed their orders. I hated the dictation and I hated my hair. I tried for my family. I was selfish otherwise, and deprived of compassion otherwise.

I believed in realism and I couldn’t wait to spend eternity in a less excruciating, less conflicting, less guilty yet scared to death world. I waited for heaven or purgatory or just black out stillness. I didn’t feel like living this life then.

“Raise your hands. Speak to the Lord. Shout with your tongue. Speak with your mouth.”

She wailed.

“Force this blessing. Partake in this blessing. Oh, it’s a shame to be missing out today.”

He was talking to me. I prayed. I cried.

Sarah Estime: "I am an Aircraft Mechanic in the Air Force. When I am not working my day job, I am composing works related to literary fiction. I have been published by Cardinal Sins, O-Dark Thirty, and The Charles Carter. I currently write for Blogcritics and Litro Magazine."

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