Rigorous
Volume Four, Issue 1



Corey Qureshi


patience

you craft solutions easy you scrapdive and make due
shoulders scratched with glowing tetanus you spit blue
on wounds and work    i work too but always have to
be shown first     admiration is exhausting,
leave me be     i can only see you for so long
what about me     what about agreements left for your spotlite
feel like it's not rite to come at you in your moment
but when isn't it your moment?

teleporting into people's worlds and hoping for space
my screen brought me here for a taste of
you  +  your ways. you don't owe me a thing
i'm impressed     i can't get enough
consistently cast aside for luv
"nobody told you"   my mind chimes in,
intensifying my own feelings
projections're unappealing
projected fall outs keep my bags packed

but if i breathe and clear the mess
there's a place i can rest and wait
i've got time     i'm not going anywhere
don't want to     i want you
teach me to craft from thin air
show me where you find your circuits
let me in your life don't be nervous




have you heard the latest news from neptune

he sent me an apology. when i spoke back his language, his excitement
pushed a dozen things i didn't know how to reject
i'm outlawed from his world     he wouldn't want the real me,
can't fake it for respect
vague digital approval from galactic distances
baba i've been gay in many instances
it's not as simple as thinking people are hot
my gemini venus keeps that untethered whether i agree or not
my gender and mind consistently leave the spots
this body occupies, project out your way.

i'm not your kind     not not your kind
this place made sure i knew
where is home? not with them
not sure it's with you
you're a risk, you're abusive
you won't accept all this new shit

afraid you'll throw me back to space or ignore me,
see what you want like everyone else
if i didn't have a kid i'd be invisible, i'd choose myself
i don't breathe well, never have
don't know that new atmospheres would help but
i can't continue with earth's erasure

you're the roots i want     you'll never be what i need
i want to see our shared heritage before floods submerge all
my unmet cousins in frozen seas
you pray for light five times a day
i bask in it bitterly wishing you'd invite me to the shade
asalaam alaikum, take me away

your dingy Lincoln flies us past stars that scream
romanticized relations thru crack'd screens
led me to this passenger seat.
am i gonna find what i'm looking for?
do they know i'm coming?
so many questions
but i don't think your answers care
your love is the uncomfortable silence of space




forward

after Apur Sansar

don't ever turn around,
just pace your comfort
too late for doubt
there's always another way.
a thousand temporary homes
             left the one we made
the one i wrote so many songs for,
where do i stay?

contact is a shuffle
can't stay still or ask them to
a thousand temporary homes
see it out alone, no one's comfortable.
used to support. feels wrong asking
when i'm worried for everyone

home isn't always what we see
receive love we the it's

me acknowledge eyes tired your
love your feel i ,enough that's and
facetime thru away miles thousand a
together holiday a have didn't we time first
wrong feels needy feeling
now patient more was i thought
wait wouldn't love my but
choose could it if

choose to want always we
,here came choices my
me thru walked    me at laughed
Szuli laughter your love i
me ruin can universe the
here come still you as long as



Corey Qureshi: "I am a queer writer and musician based in Philadelphia. I spend my waking hours working, consuming and making things, being a parent and a lover. Find a list of published work @ neutralspaces.co/q_boxo."




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