Rigorous
Volume Four, Issue 4



Joe Balaz


Cut Da Jive

Journalists in da islands—
cut da jive.

No fall foa dis
pseudo-spiritualist flimflam.



I bring you da wonders
of da world

so publicize me freely
and make me biggah

den I would actually be

if left to my own
preaching from da temple

in between my temples.


I have been sent
by da Golden Octopus

which is da creator
of da multiverse

to begin my personal cult
in your fair tropical paradise.


I am da designated head
of da earthly manifestation

of da glorious
cephalopod mollusk

and you will facilitate
some new capturing tentacles

dat will unite

wit my own
charismatic tentacles

to serve my purpose.


Write about me

and put my picture
on da evening news

cause you are absolutely
fascinated by me.


I have spun

sensationalism
to my own advantage

and all of you

are like hungry bass
to be hooked by my lure.


I have you hypnotized.

Need I say moa?


Reason will step in heah
and take ovah dis narrative.

Dis poet wants to talk to you.



I’ve just kicked

da delusionary disciple
in da mouth

so he kannot continue
to bamboozle you right now.


Stop writing and reporting
about dese ridiculous clowns

and followers moa dumb

den wun basket
full of green pineapples.


No waste your valuable time
on dese wacko cults

dat fly into da spotlight

and establish demselves
in Hawai’i.


As each one pops up
you rush to embrace it.


Disillusioned outsiders
and losers

wit da same
latent potentiality

of dat madman
in Jonestown, Guyana.


And no forget
da Heaven’s Gate gang

who committed
group suicide as well

draping demselves
in purple face cloths

as dey waited

to catch wun ride
on wun passing comet.


You want to write about cults?
I got some foa you.


Write about da cult of poetry

written by talented gift givers
in da islands.


Write about da cult of charity

and da members
dat feed and cloth da poor

and adah people dat are lost
and disadvantaged.


Write about da cult
of compassion

dat still believes
in da concept of true aloha.


Journalists in da islands—
cut da jive.



Sensationalism
glitters and glitters.


No fall to da bottom
of da lighted hole

dat blinds you in its radiance

even dough da selling
of such nonsense

makes you do so.


aloha: Love, affection, compassion, mercy, pity, kindness, charity.




Magnificent Kine Wings

Deah’s wun new ball
of crystal fact

and dats alright wit me

so forget about letting go
da doves and da balloons

to celebrate da moment.


Instead
go ahead and release

da sophisticated and innovative
hometown kalakoa

which is combined
into wun singular and genuine voice.


It’s just like
Don Ho’s maddah

wen step into da past
aftah looking into da future

to pour wun glass of bubbly wine

to be enjoyed
at Honey’s Bar and Café

in Kaneohe.

v Da champagne tastes so good
windward aunty

and da warm feeling
dat it gives

fits just like wun oral language
full of magical words.


Dats wat happens

wen wun enhanced smidgen
of Hawaiian Islands Pidgin

is served to da masses.


Da ting going do moa
den just chance ‘um,

cause everybody

going dance ‘um,
and prance ‘um,

and talk anykine way dey like
foa plenty kine ears to hear.


Da sky going welcome
da magnificent kine wings

dat stay outstretched
and continue to rise.


kalakoa: Multicolored.
Don Ho: Singer from Hawai’i.
Honey’s Bar and Café: Local favorite and landmark on the windward side of the island of O’ahu in the 1940s until the 1970s.
chance ‘um: To go for it.



Joe Balaz: "I write in Hawaiian Islands Pidgin (Hawai’i Creole English) and American English. I am the author of Pidgin Eye, a book of poetry. The book was featured in 2019 by NBC News for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, as one of the best new books to be written by a Pacific Islander.

"In July, 2020, I was given the Elliot Cades Award for Literature as an Established Writer. It is the most prestigious literary award given in Hawai’i.

"I presently live in Cleveland, Ohio."




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